Coming Out, and Into Community

By Jade

I think back to when I came out to my mom at the age of twelve – my hands clenched, heart racing, eyes on the floor. Middle school was hard; I felt different from the group of friends I had grown up with – othered, excluded, and alone. In the moment I decided to share that piece of myself, I was seeking acceptance and the reassurance of my mom’s love.

Instead, I received a look of fear and what I read as disappointment. “Your life is going to be so hard,” she cried. Although I wish her first words were “I love you”, over time I’ve realized that her reaction came from a place of fear. She was scared for me – for the challenges she imagined I’d face.

Coming out hasn’t been a single, defining moment in my life – it’s been a journey of self-discovery, disclosure, and acceptance. I came out as gay when I was young, and years later I came out as trans.

For many of us, coming out is both an act of courage and a lifelong process. Each disclosure is a leap of faith, a hope that the person on the other side will hold our truth with care. And yet, coming out is only half the story. What if we focused on the idea of coming in?

Coming in to communities that embrace us fully. Coming in to spaces where authenticity is celebrated, not just tolerated. Coming in means embracing the many dimensions of our lives. Coming in to power, by owning our narratives and shaping spaces that reflect us.

For me, coming in has meant finding friends who truly see me, a workplace that affirms me, and chosen family who remind me every day that I am enough. It’s meant stepping into a world where my story has become more than the moments of hardship that my mom worried about. Those moments have been agents of change, leading me to where I am today.

On this National Coming Out Day, I invite you to reflect on your own moment of coming out and the beauty of coming into community. If you’re new on this journey or well into it, I’m here to say that you’re not alone.